It's Only Life

Finding that one person you love with all your heart and that you want to spend the rest of your life with is wonderful. And romantic. And for some, hard to find. Others, it’s really easy. But, sometimes, I can’t help but wonder, “Is it worth it?” Whether you live your life getting everything you ever wanted or you feel like you can’t catch a break, it’s the same; it’s the same end…

We all aren’t going to the same place. I know that. For some, it’ll be heaven. For some, it’ll be hell. A few will probably stick around here for a while. Maybe they’ll get confused and can’t quite figure out where to go. The rest of us might even come back to earth for another lifetime. How a person lives their life can affect that. I believe that. But, what determines your afterlife? Do you always have to be pure and responsible? Loving, polite, a good person at every waking moment? What if you make some mistakes? Or purposeful sins? Is it your actions? Your thoughts? Your friends, hobbies, dreams, lifestyle?

What I want is to have a family. I’ve wanted it for a long time. My reasons are, to me, legit. I want to love something unconditionally. To watch it grow and blossom. Be a great teacher to my (far-in-the-future) children. Not perfect, because no one is. Be the best I possibly can be. And maybe, hopefully, fill this void in my heart. Someday I’ll have that. But again, I wonder, “Why do people put so much effort into living their lives?” It’s not going to matter in the end. Yes I know, the ripples of a person’s actions can go a long way; even the smallest, seemingly unimportant ones. People inspire other people, then they inspire someone, and so forth and so on. But, if you believe in God, or a religious being, or that the world will cease to exist someday, have you ever just once thought about any of this?

I don't mean to sound so morose, because I love life. Maybe I don't love it as much as I should. Actually, I know I don't. The things that I've dealt with in the past, and the things I will deal with in the future make it difficult to accept what life is all about. What it brings. How it ends. It's even harder watching other people, or movies, or shows, and seeing them living their dreams. Getting everything they ever wanted. Thinking about it now, the season 6 finale of One Tree Hill is a perfect example. Lucas and Peyton got each other and a baby, Brooke finally got the mother she always deserved and also Julian, Nathan got the NBA, Haley still has Nathan and Jamie, and Mouth and Millie have each other. Everything turned out ok. But life's not a t.v show, right? Oh, I pray someday I'll find that someone or thing that will change everything for me. Where I don't second guess life and love. Um, there was a voice-over from the last OTH episode, and one of the parts that Peyton says pretty much sums up how I should be feeling. I thought I'd share it with you:

"So take a look in that mirror and remind yourself to be happy; because you deserve to be. Believe that."

If you're feeling like I do, listen to Peyton. Her words have helped me out a lot.

Live life to the fullest.
For all we know, this might be our only chance.

God bless.