Tune Tuesday 24

1. The Struggle- Tenth Avenue North
2. All I Want is You- Planetshakers
3. Trying to Find Atlantis- Jamie O'Neal
4. Leaving Eden- Brandon Heath
5. Beautiful, Beautiful- Francesca Battistelli
6. Be Still- The Fray
7. You Won't Relent- Misty Edwards
8. Africa- Toto
9. Your Love is Strong- Jon Foreman
10. Held- Natalie Grant

Purpose:

the reason for which something exists, is done, made, or used.

Asking, "what is the purpose?" is like opening a can of worms. Everyone wants an answer, but not just any answer. They want the right one. The clear one. The easy one. The one that makes the most sense. But really, any answer will do just as long as they get one. 'Purpose' has been on my mind a lot lately. The purpose of this blog, the purpose of school, the purpose of community, the purpose of happiness, sadness, pain, healing. The purpose of life. The purpose of me. Needless to say, thinking about all of this can be pretty overwhelming. I guess that's a good word to describe my life right now: overwhelming. My hope is that, if I just find the purpose, maybe I won't feel like I'm drowning in this crazy thing called life. So, first on the list of things that need a defined purpose: this blog.
When I started writing here, I think it was simply a place to get my thoughts out. Over time, I began adding themes such as Tune Tuesday and Film Friday, but honestly, there's nothing fluid about my writings. I know I don't have many followers (three to be exact) but I fear that people I know will stumble upon my page and judge me for things I've penned. I know, I know. If that's the case, why do I even have a blog? Well, I want to overcome that fear and I suppose this is one way to do that. I've said it before: I love writing and I'm much better at it than speaking.... So. If people I know do happen upon my little oasis, so be it. Odds are, I won't know even if they do. Now that that is out of the way, on to the purpose. In short, it'll continue to be a smattering of whatever I feel led to write about. Similar to what it is currently, but now that I don't care who reads it, well, who knows! Tomorrow I might write a story. The day after I might share my thoughts on marriage. The sky is the limit, folks.
Alrighty, that was easy. Umm, school. Oh boy. This seems like a topic much too heavy to even begin to cover in this post and at 11:37 at night..... Hmm, same with community, emotions, life, and myself. Remember what I said about opening a can of worms? Don't worry, I'll get to at least a couple of these later. (This is what you call a cliff-hanger.)

God bless, everyone.

Cry Out. Get Relief.

The past two days have been almost unbearable. I've been lost in this sea of college life. I lost my purpose, God's purpose for me, and if you've ever been there, you know how terrifying it is. I have a habit of flipping my Bible to a random page and trying to find something helpful or pertinent to my situation. Maybe it's coincidence or the grace of God, but I nearly always find comfort when I do this. Today, I sat outside in the cold and wind and gave myself over to God through His word. I opened up to Psalm 20 and it gave me the strength, comfort, wake-up call, and joy that I was looking for. I read it five or six times as I cried out to God for help. Drink in these words- His words- and let yourself be wrapped in His embrace.

May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;

may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.

May he send you help from the sanctuary

and grant you support from Zion.

May he remember all your sacrifices 

and accept your burnt offerings.

May he give you the desire of your heart

and make all your plans succeed.
We will shout for joy when you are victorious
and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the LORD grant all your requests.
Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed;
he answers him from his holy heaven
with the saving power of his right hand.
Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.
O LORD, save the king!
Answer us when we call!

Tune Tuesday 23

Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)

By: Hillsong United

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
 
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Tune Tuesday 22

1.Starts With Me- Tim Timmons
2.Build Your Kingdom Here- Rend Collective Experiment
3.Bad Day- Daniel Powter
4.Life After You- Daughtry
5.It's Time- Imagine Dragons
6.Just Say Jesus- 7eventh Time Down
7.New Man- All Things New
8.Homesick- MercyMe
9.If You Could Only See- Tonic
10.Never Gone- Colton Dixon
11.Come Home- Luminate
12.Cannons- Phil Wickham

I hope everyone is having a good week! Don't forget to rejoice in the good, trust even in the bad, and stay strong in the sad. Love you all.

God bless,
Bex.

Prayer is Not a Diss.

I spend a lot (I mean a lot) of time on Pinterest. There's a ton of great stuff on there, but there's also a ton of crap. My favorite area to cruise is the humor board. I'd say about half of the pins are appropriate while the rest are well, not quite to not at all. Sometimes I get caught up in the hilariousness of it all and occasionally find myself chuckling at things that ought not be chuckled at. One of them is prayer. We've all seen or heard the "you need prayer" comment from the "better" person to the poor soul, and while it may be true, it's the way it's said that makes it funny (and wrong.) Why has prayer become punishment? Nine times out of ten, those comments are not heart-felt. They're meant to make the other person feel bad and that is sooo not the point of prayer! God says to pray always. ALWAYS! That includes during good times, bad times, in-between times; for thanks, healing, guidance, reassurance, strength, praise, everything! Somehow, the world has honed in on only praying when we're in desperate need of something, and from that, when someone needs to be held accountable for their actions. I go to a Christian school so I'm surrounded by a lot of praying people, but I still don't think we're using it to it's full advantage or intended purpose. Yes, there are more prayers of praise, but a majority of the people primarily pray about difficulties. There's nothing wrong with that, but it could be so much more.


"Prayer Request." What comes to your mind when you read that? For me, it's something we want God to do for us or someone else. Same with "how can I pray for you?" and even, "I'm praying for you." They all declare a need. In our human minds, it means we are weak and always have something bad going on. I don't know about you, but I'm not a fan of sharing my struggles with others, even if they are God-fearing pray-ers. No, I don't have every single thing together all the time, (who does?), but that doesn't mean I always have a crisis to pray about. This is just a thought, but maybe the constant pressure of needing something wrong to pray about is the reason why so many people don't pray. But why can't "prayer request" have two meanings? The second being something we want to do for God.

I want to start a revolution of sorts. Let's use prayer in the way God wants. Yes, continue to ask for help, but also thank Him. Instead of approaching a friend, a stranger, a family member with the standard "what bad situation are you in that I can I pray about?" see what you can rejoice about! Prayer doesn't have to be like a slap in the face. Be honest. If a friend said "I'm praying for you," what would your response be? Silent or not, it will most likely be, "how do they know I'm struggling?" or "do they know something I don't?" Either way, it's not always a pleasant feeling when you hear that, especially when you think you're doing pretty well. If we stopped treating prayer like a hush-hush little secret, whipping it out for the sole purpose of healing and condemning, imagine how much more likely people would use it! According to dictionary.com, prayer is defined as: "a spiritual communion with God or an object of worship, as in supplication, thanksgiving, adoration, or confession." See that?! Thanksgiving! Adoration! It's not just about requests, it's everything! Prayer does not have to be morose. It does not have to be a diss. It can be beautiful. It can be jubilant. It can be an opportunity to share God's goodness. It can be a joyous celebration. It can be.......everything. With this mindset, I would be honored if someone said they are praying for me. So with that, how can I pray for you?

Tune Tuesday 21

1. Happy Together- The Turtles
2. Signed, Sealed, Delivered I'm Yours- Stevie Wonder
3. Stand Beside Me- Otis Redding
4. Bitter Sweet Symphony- The Verve
5.Revelation- Third Day
6. Sugar, Sugar- The Archies
7. Have You Ever Seen the Rain?- Creedence Clearwater Revival
8. Lean On Me- Bill Withers
9. Drops of Jupiter- Train
10. This Will Be (An Everlasting Love)- Natalie Cole
11.Song of Hope (Heaven Come Down)- Robbie Seay Band
12. You've Got a Friend In Me- Lyle Lovett
13. 100 Years- Five for Everything
14. Breakeven- The Script
15. Tunnel- Third Day

Pray Not Prey

We often forget how cunning and clever the devil is. We can't deny that he is powerful. He has the ability and resources to convince people that life sucks. "You didn't get that job because you're stupid and incapable." "Your friends won't talk to you because you aren't worth their time." "You don't have a boyfriend because you aren't pretty and no one likes you." I recently read a book about a little boy who went to heaven (and came back.) His name is Alex Malarkey and part of his story was about the spiritual warfare he experienced while in a coma and as he was recovering. He gave visual descriptions of the devil and his demons. I'm sure many of us have seen drawings of demons and while they can be terrifying, I was really unprepared for what Alex had to share. He said the devil has three heads, a human form, moldy-like skin, and almost always came to him alone. The demons are just as disturbing. I can't get those images out of my head. When I'm feeling bad about myself, I now imagine the devil and his minions following me around whispering lies in my ear. Painful, ugly, damaging lies. And right next to them are God's minions- His angels, telling me the truth, not always the clear truth, like why the job didn't come through or why someone won't return my call, but the truth that God knows what He's doing and He has my best interests in mind.....Even though I know this, sometimes it's easier to just lay down and stop fighting the lies. Maybe because they make sense. The truth is harder to decipher. Who knows why God does things the way He does? We just have to trust and accept it. I've been having a hard time with this lately. I get so tired of pushing the devil away. As I was driving home from Taco Bell earlier (score 1 for Bex), Pray by Sanctus Real came on the radio. I love when God steps in and gives you exactly what you didn't realize you needed. I love this song and never really heard the words until now. I hope they give you comfort too.

I bow my head to pray, I don't know what to say
I'm not sure how to fix the things I'm dealing with
I'm in a desperate place, I need to share the weight
But I just don't know how, to let it all pour out
Though I'm silent, my heart is crying
Cause I was made to come to You

So I pray
God I need You more than words can say
Right here in this moment
You know my heart, You know my need
You know every part of me
So even if it's just to speak Your name
I'm gonna pray

I failed to find the time, but You've been calling out
I let the days go by as if I could live without
But it's gotta be here now, I won't be pulled away
Cause it's just You and I, so let the world around us fade

God bless, everyone. See you on Tuesday.  :)

Tune Tuesday 20

1. This is the Stuff- Francesca Battistelli

2. All I Can Do (Thank You)- MIKESCHAIR

3. I Refuse- Josh Wilson

4. Turn Around- Matt Maher

5. Home- Foo Fighters

6. Soft Kitty- Big Bang Theory peeps

Hope everyone had a fantastic week!! God bless. :)

Matthew Seven\Three

"I am the worst of sinners." I hate this statement. Something about it screams the desire to win the "my mistakes are bigger and I have more guilt therefore I need more grace than you" race. Sin is sin. I struggle with defining which ones are worse, like, murder is a bigger deal than making a snide comment, or cheating on a test is more acceptable than cheating on your spouse. But what if sin is not defined by comparing it to other people but to one's self? My greatest sin might not even be on the list of someone else's sins and vice versa. So why do we often present them as proof as to why God should (and does) extend grace? And why do we judge others so harshly when it is ourselves we should be taking a good look at? I don't believe there can ever be a worst sinner. It's all relative. You yourself can have a worst sin; one that consistently pulls you away from God, but to say that it makes you the absolute worst isn't possible. There is no way to measure that.
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use it, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in you own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." -Matthew 7:1-5. To say that I judge would be akin to saying I am the worst of sinners. It's moot. Every person who has ever walked the earth judges. We judge big things, little things, things that have nothing to do with us, and things we know nothing about. And for what? To feel better about our own failures? Or maybe to help us cope with the fact that we aren't alone in those failures. For me, it's so much easier to pass judgment on others when I'm feeling pretty good about myself. "Oh, look at so-and-so. Don't they know that doing such-and-such is a sin!? I'm so glad I'm not like that." I wish someone would smack me across the face whenever that runs through my mind. What right do I have to condemn? On the flip side, it makes me so angry when others pass judgement on me. Again, what gives them the right? When this happens, I have to remind myself that it's just like Jesus said. Judge and you will be judged. But we live in a fallen world. Judgment was an unfortunate consequence and it is unavoidable. Just like sin. Even though I and other followers of Christ have been remade, reborn, justified, whatever term you want to use, we still have a sin nature. It's hard-wired into us, and no amount of obedience to God will ever change that. However, we can choose whether to submit to it or fight it.
One of my favorite people to listen to at school is a guy named Richard or as I fondly call him: Babycakes. He talks about sin a lot. Our struggle to stay away from it, Satan's persistence at keeping us in it, and God's mighty hand to pull us out of it. He hits me every single time, and while it's usually hard to hear, I appreciate that he's able to stand before his peers and speak in such a way and on such a topic that most people would rather stay away from. It's like he's reading my thoughts. It's kind a of creepy, actually, but in a good way. I'm more likely to be convicted and willing to hear when the speaker understands temptations. A huge difference between those who know Jesus and those who don't is the response to sin. Babycakes said there are two paths in life, and sometimes they overlap. 1)Slave to sin. Satan is walking around you with a whip to keep your eyes on sin and away from God. And 2)Life in the Spirit. Having that feeling of peace when you shouldn't. Like something bad happens, but you feel great. Oh, how wonderful it would be to always be on the second path, but once again, sin is inevitable. Satan knows that and he uses it against us. When we do slip up, he plants a lie in our heads. "I am worthless. I am unredeemable. I have exhausted God's grace toward me." But guess what. "God doesn't see our sins anymore. WE ARE FREE."
*On a side note, it's a total God moment right now. East To West by Casting Crowns is playing on the radio as I write this. Ahh. Love my God.*
Where was I? Oh. We don't have to be slaves to sin! We have the ability to choose who will be our master. We also have the ability to choose how we will react to sin, be it our own or someone else's. (This is where the whole plank/sawdust thing comes in.) Think of something you judge others for. Maybe you get really bent out of shape when someone is rude to you. Now think of all the times you have been rude and the reasons for said rudeness. "Well I was having a bad day." So? Did you stop to think that maybe they were having a bad day too? This is a simple example, but hopefully you get the idea. Even so, whether it is a big sin or a little one, the feeling of guilt and shame shouldn't keep us from God. When we feel like that, "God still holds out his hands." How amazing is that?! Even when I feel like a complete waste of God's grace and love, He still adores me. He draws me near and comforts me. Best of all, He convicts me. I know, I know. How can that be a good thing? Well, if He didn't convict me, who would? How would I feel bad about my sin and turn away from it if He didn't lead me to? He also uses conviction to keep me from judging others. That little twinge of  "ooh. I shouldn't have looked down on her for that." comes from Him. That's His gentle or sometimes, not-so-gentle way of saying, "you have no authority to judge them. That's my job." I love that. I need that.... We all do.

So. To recap: Don't judge. We all sin, but we can choose to live in the Spirit. When we do sin, God still loves us. Conviction is a good thing.
This turned out a whole lot longer than I planned, but oh well. Hope I didn't lose any of you. God bless. =)

Tune Tuesday 19

Hello all! I'm still on a KLove kick, so here we go:

1.Healing Hand of God- Jeremy Camp
2.Never Alone- Barlow Girl
3.Give Me Words to Speak- Aaron Shust
4.By Your Side- Tenth Avenue North
5.New Man- All Things New
6.Until The Whole World Hears- Casting Crowns
7.Cornerstone- Hillsong
8.Come To The River- Rhett Walker Band
and
9.Larger Than Life- Backstreet Boys (Hehehe. I didn't hear this one on KLove. Clearly.)

God Bless!

Back To You

Hello my friend.
It's been quite a journey.
Been away for so long,
Lost my footing from time to time.
You are the sky above my glass ceiling.
Remember when you were my world?
I'm ready to be covered in your love once again.
Time to leave the trash; embrace the good.
Time to destroy the barrier.
Time to come home.
I'm finally coming home.

Tune Tuesday 18

Since I've been home, I haven't really listened to K Love. I go through periods of being in love with Christian music and needing a break from it. I've noticed that when I don't have it on, I'm usually dealing with something difficult, which often means I'm not very close to God. He is so amazing, no words could even begin to explain the ways. Music and writing are two of my biggest sources of stress relief; I would be so lost without them. I am so thankful to God for how He pulls me back to Him through the lyrics and melodies arranged by His song makers. They lift, encourage, convict, strengthen, and always praise God. I'm sure this week's list could go on forever considering how I put this together just in the last 24 hours, but I'll keep it short. If you find whatever you're in need of in only one of these songs, I'll be happy.

1.Middle of Your Heart- for KING & COUNTRY
     "This is what I believe: that if I give You my everything, I will become who I was really born to be...Your love is something I can put my faith in."

2.Love Does- Brandon Heath
     "Nobody knows why your heart is broken. Nobody cries while your prayers are going up. But love does...Somebody knows. Somebody cries. Somebody feels. Love does."

3.Hello, My Name Is- Matthew West
     "Hello, my name is child of the one true King. I've been saved, I've been changed, I have been set free...I am no longer defined by all the wreckage behind. The one who makes all things new has proven it's true."

4.Love Come to Life- Big Daddy Weave
     "I've been restless on the inside, wondering about this heart of mine. I've been desperately trying to find a way to prove that I'm still alive...Bring Your love to life inside of me. Why don't you break my heart til it moves my hands and feet."

5.Your Love is Like a River- Third Day
     "When this cruel world tears us apart...When I am tired and so afraid...When all my strength and hope is gone...Your love is like a river flowing from my heart...Your love is like a rock that I am standing on."

6.Your Love Never Fails- Newsboys
     "Nothing can separate, even if I run away. Your love never fails...You stay the same through the ages. Your love never changes. There may be pain the night, but joy comes in the morning."

7.East to West- Casting Crowns
     "Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way. Jesus, can you show me just how far the east is from the west? In the arms of Your mercy, I find rest.

8.My God- Jeremy Camp
     "All of who You are reaches the darkest parts; lifting the weight and erasing the scars that had a hold on me. My God, You are the unchanging love. My God, Your heart sends hope from above."

9.More Beautiful You- Jonny Diaz
     "Beauty is within your heart. You were made with such care- your skin, your body, your hair are perfect just the way you are. There could never be a more beautiful you. Don't buy the lies, disguises, and hoops they make you jump through. You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do."

10.Come To The River- Rhett Walker Band
     "My restless heart led me astray to my selfish pride. I became my own slave. You say, 'Come to the river and lay yourself down. Let your heart be found."

11.Help Me Find It- Sidewalk Prophets
     "I don't know where to go from here. It all used to seem so clear. I'm finding I can't make it on my own... I will trust in you. You've never failed before...I will wait for you."

12.Friend of God- Phillips, Craig & Dean
     "Who am I that You are mindful of me? That You hear me when I call. Is it true that You are thinking of me? How You love me, it's amazing. I am a friend of God."

13.Praise You In This Storm- Casting Crowns
     "As the thunder rolls, I barely hear You whisper through the rain, 'I'm with you.' And as your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away. I will praise you in this storm."

14.Nothing Ever (Could Separate Us)- Citizen Way
     "When I can't see You, still I know You're here. When I can't feel You, Your promise is clear. Nothing I face can keep me from Your love... Even in death, we won't be torn apart."

15.Sweetly Broken- Jeremy Riddle
     "To the cross I look, to the cross I cling...At the cross, You beckon me. You draw me gently to my knees, and I am lost for words. So lost in love. I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered."

16.He is With Us- Love & The Outcome
     "We can trust our God. He knows what He's doing. Though it might hurt now, we won't be ruined...He is with us, always."

Heh heh. So it came out pretty long anyway. Oh well. These are great songs. Enjoy and God bless!

"Sometimes People Write the Things That They Can't Say"

Typically, I'm not a big talker. My words get lost before I have the chance to find them, so I simply stay quiet. I'm an observer. Like my grandpa, I enjoy sitting back and watching people. It's not because I'm rude (although I have my off days) and it's not because I think I'm too far above you to grace you with my awesomeness. I'm shy. I'm vulnerable. I need to test the waters before I cannonball in. But writing. Oh, with writing. I can be me. I can be free from every worry and judgement. I don't have to make sense and I don't have to answer to anyone. To me, writing is cathartic. It calms me down. It gives me peace. It gives me purpose. Unlike speaking, it isn't rushed. I can take my time and really think about what I'm trying to convey.  I can paint a better picture than any physical photo ever can, making it as lovely or as terrifying as I wish. It can be altered, added to, or erased forever. It can strike up feelings or make them disappear. It can become your best friend or your biggest enemy. It can destroy. It can save.

Tune Tuesday 17

1. Restore- Chris August
2.In Better Hands- Natalie Grant
3.Love Does- Brandon Heath
4.In Christ Alone-Keith Getty
5.This Is The Stuff-Francesca Battiselli

God bless.

Tune Tuesday 16

Here are a few songs that have really hit me this week:

1.All I want is You- Planetshakers
2.Salvation is Here- Hillsong
3.Fly- Hilary Duff
4.7x70- Chris August
5.Don't Give Up- Calling Glory
6.Changed- Rascal Flatts

Tune Tuesday 15

All the Poor and Powerless

 

All the poor and powerless,

And all the lost and lonely.

All the thieves will come confess

And know that You are holy.

And know that You are holy.

 

And all will sing out, Hallelujah.

And we will cry out, Hallelujah.

 

All the hearts who are content,

And all who feel unworthy,

And all who hurt with nothing left

Will know that You are holy.

 

And all will sing out, Hallelujah.

And we will cry out, Hallelujah.

 

Shout it.

Go on and scream it from the mountians.

Go on and tell it to the masses-

That He is God.

 

We will sing out, Hallelujah.

And we will cry out, Hallelujah.

 



Hanging On

It's been nearly six months since my grandpa went home to Jesus and just over three months since my cat Kyah joined him. Most days are better than others but every now and then the realization of their deaths hits me out of nowhere. Other than my dog Maggie (who was really my mom's), I had never had to deal with death. I never knew what to say to friends when they lost grandparents or pets, but could only offer my comfort and support. Even now I have no idea what to say or do to make others feel better. I think that's because there was nothing anyone could do for me.
Grief is kind of a cruel thing. It comes and goes as it pleases and there is no cure for it. Today has been a hard day. I keep replaying the night my grandpa died, how I wish I had been the one he woke up for. I keep thinking about the moment I saw Kyah when I got home after my mom called me with the news. Most of all, I keep thinking about saying goodbye. The night/morning my grandpa died, I was in some sort of daydream. I knew it was coming, he had been sick for a while, but it still hurt. I did good over the next couple of days until the visitation day. It was an open casket. I don't know what I was expecting, but as soon as I saw him I broke down. Later, when I would see my cousin or my mom or aunt holding his hand and kissing him, I kept thinking to myself, ''that isn't him! He isn't here anymore!'' I was so angry at them and I still don't know why...
I find myself missing him at weird times. Memories will creep up on me, like when we went to the zoo, walking beside him at church, watching t.v. with him. The craziest thing I miss about him is this thing he used to do to my wrist: he'd ring it with both his hands and make this noise with his mouth. It only hurt a little but I loved it. He hadn't done it since I was little and I have tried multiple times over the years to replicate it, but have failed everytime. Today I realized I would never experience that again.

Everyday is a struggle. Sometimes I can't even get out of bed. I try to praise God through all of this but....it's hard. At times I wish we didn't have emotions like grief and sadness, but I figure God gave them to us for a reason. I feel guilty sometimes for missing Kyah and my grandpa, but then I remember how Jesus reacted to his friend Lazarus' death: He wept. Jesus was God. And he was upset. That verse blows my mind everytime I read, hear, or say it. It also lets me know that it's ok to grieve. That it's good to grieve. As much as it hurts, it actually hurts more to keep it in. Something I often forget. ''I'm running to your arms. I'm running to your arms. The riches of your love will always be enough. Nothing compares to your embrace. Light of the world forever reign.''

Tune Tuesday 14 (Wednesdy)

Worn

Tenth Avenue North

 

I'm tired I'm worn.

My heart is heavy

from the work it takes

to keep on breathing.

I've made mistakes.

I've let my hope fail.

My soul feels crushed

by the weight of this world.

 

And I know that you can give me rest.

So I cry out with all that I have left.

 

Let me see redemption win.

Let me know the struggle ends.

That you can mend a heart

that's frail and torn.

I wanna know a song can rise

from the ashes of a broken life

and all that's dead inside can be reborn,

cause I'm worn.

 

I know I need to lift my eyes up

but I'm too weak;

life just won't give up.

And I know that you can give me rest.

So I cry out with all that I have left.

 

Let me see redemption win.

Let me know the struggle ends.

That you can mend a heart

that's frail and torn.

I wanna know a song can rise

from the ashes of a broken life

and all that's dead inside can be reborn,

cause I'm worn.

 

My prayers are wearing thin.

Yeah, I'm worn.

Even before the day begins.

Yeah, I'm worn.

I've lost my will to fight.

I'm worn.

So heaven come and flood my eyes.

 

Let me see redemption win.

Let me know the struggle ends.

That you can mend a heart

that's frail and torn.

I wanna know a song can rise

from the ashes of a broken life

and all that's dead inside can be reborn.

Cause all that's dead inside will be reborn.

 

Though I'm worn.

Yeah I'm worn.

 

Tune Tuesday 13

Restore- Chris August

 

Nobody's growing old together, we've made it easy just to quit.

Love has become a negative percentage, why do we bother to commit?

We've got a long list of excuses, ways we try to justify.

Well, I propose to you the truth is, marriage does not have to die.

 

I know you're feeling like it's falling apart and it can't go on anymore.

But God is a God who knows how to heal so just give it up to the Lord,

And He will restore.

 

He said with this ring I promise, and with I do she said forever.

But right now if they're being honest they don't know if they'll stay together.

Let's fast forward to the future after struggling on their own.

They finally figured out they needed Jesus in the middle,

Now I'm watching God rebuild their home.

 

I know you're feeling like it's falling apart and it can't go on anymore.

But God is a God who knows how to heal so just give it up to the Lord,

And He will restore.

 

The enemy tries to come and divide,

trying to get us to give up the fight.

But darkness will always lose out to light,

'Cause we've got the power of Christ on our side.

 

I see you growing old together.

I pray I find a love like yours.

 

So if you're feeling like it's falling apart and it can't go on anymore,

 God is a God who knows how to heal so just give it up to the Lord,

And He will restore.

 

Like it was before.

You may have strayed off course.

But He will restore.

Tune Tuesday 12

1.Worn- Tenth Avenue North
2.Carry Me- Josh Wilson
3.Pitch Perfect soundtrack
4.When Will My Life Begin- Repunzel from Tangled
5.Little Women Musical soundtrack
6.Because of You- Reba McEntire and Kelly Clarkson
7.Home- Foo Fighters
8.I Don't Wanna Be- Gavin DeGraw

Personal Inquiries 3

41.Favorite hangout?

My dorm hallway.

42.Three thing you can't live without?

God, books, and faith.

43.Favorite song?

I really like Need You Now by Plumb.

44.Are you a give or a taker?

Probably a bit of both.

45.What are your nicknames?

Bex, Bekah, Wek.

46.What is your Dad's middle name?

Howard

47.What is your Mom's middle name?

Lynn

48.Stuck on an island and can only take one thing. What is it?

My Bible.

49.Favorite t.v commercial?

I love the old ETrade baby!! Any of those commercials, but I really laugh at the crib one.

50.Who's your cell phone provider?

Sprint

51.First thing you'll save in a fire?

Kind of depends where I am. Home, my cats. School, my books.

52.What are the things you always take with you?

My self? Usually have my phone and I.D. but sometimes I go without.

53.What did you want to be when you were a kid?

I distinctly recall wanting to be a gymnastics teacher, but my mom informed me that I didn't have enough experience.

54.What do you usually do when the clock strikes 11:11?

If I see it, I'll make a wish just to humor myself.

55.The color of your bed sheets?

White with cows and pigs.

56.What do you think about before you go to bed?

"Thank you God for this day." And everything I need to do or should have done.

57.What is your worst habit?

Staying up way too late and procrastinating.

58.If you could change your name, what would you change it to?

Lily Evelyn

59.Have you ever stolen something?

Not from a store, but I still have a friend's book from about 3 years ago.

60.Name one embarrassing thing about yourself.

I look up baby names and pair them up with middle names, then rank them in order of favorite to least favorite.

The Hurt and the Healing

I've tried to think of something to write about for the last few weeks. I want something profound and inspiring and important. But every time I've logged on or thought about logging on, I have nothing.
These past five months have gone by so fast yet slow at the same time. I started college, took a spiritual warfare journey, turned 21, made new friends, lost old friends, lost my grandpa, found myself, and almost lost myself again. A battle is raging inside me. One part says to give up. The stress, the loneliness, the soul-crushing sadness--that side never backs off. The other side is God telling me to keep pushing through and fully rely on Him. He says to put all of my burdens on Him because He can handle them. But all the while, reminding me that He would never take me through something that I can't handle. God promises that He never gives someone more than they can handle. And that feeling of not being able to cope, that is a diss on Him. I will usually believe that I can deal with anything because of God's confidence in me and the strength He gives me, but I admit that I still struggle with that annoying little voice saying that I can't. It's a horrible feeling. But every now and then, I experience a glimmer of hope. I hear God's voice through reading His words and the words of others. Some of my favorite quotes and verses right now are:

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6.

"Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise." Les Mis.

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."

"Hang in there. I'm coming." God.

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14.

Right now, I'm in between the two sides. Some days are better than others, and unfortunately, some days are worse. Ask anyone, and they will say that healing is a slow process. But even when I'm at my worst, I know that God is walking with me every step of the way. I'd like to end this post with one of my favorite poems. I hope you like it and it brings you comfort.

Footprints

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was

walking along the beach with the Lord.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.

For each scene, he noticed two sets of

footprints in the sand: one belonging

to him, and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,

he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of

his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very

lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he

questioned the Lord about it:

''Lord, you said that once I decided to follow

you, you'd walk with me all the way.

But I have noticed that during the most

troublesome times in my life

there is only one set of footprints.

I don't understand why when

I needed you the most you would leave me."

The Lord replied:

"My son, my precious child,

I love you and I would never leave you.

During your times of trial and suffering,

when you see one set of footprints,

it was then that I carried you."

(Side note. I just realized that my last post was Footprints, but it's so good, it deserves to be in this one too.)