I don't know if I've said it on here, but I absolutely do not want to return to Guam at the end of the summer. I really don't feel like I belong there. Sure it was nice the first couple months, but vacation's over. Time to go home. I've missed out on so much since I've been there. School has been a disaster, and I don't want to miss out on the stuff that I'll regret not doing later. Like prom and graduation. Every other high-school home schooler makes it look so easy. Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato have been home schooled since middle school, and they've gone to prom and made it seem like the fun, simple thing to do. Maybe it's because they're best friends, and didn't have to worry about people liking or accepting them. Who knows. I just wish it were that easy for me.
Anyway, I got off track a bit... Living in Guam has given me a bunch of opportunities that a lot of people will never have, but I'm ready for it to be over. If I do go back, I don't know what to do about school. Should I finish through home school, or should I go back to my old school? Ugh, I don't know.
Then there's the option of staying in the states. Every where I go, or who ever I tell that I don't plan on getting back on that stupid 21 hour flight, they offer their house to me. Which is awesome, but my mom will be staying with me and I think it will be too cramped to live with someone. So if we do stay, we'll have to figure out a place to live and how to pay for it. There are like 5 possible locations we could stay. All have very good things and very bad things. I just wish I knew exactly what God wants me to do. It's all so confusing. At one point I thought he was telling me to go to Nebraska, but now I don't know. I think my heart is getting in the way, so it's hard to really listen to what he's saying.
What makes matters worse, is that even if I do figure out where I want to go, and how to make that happen, my dad could still say, "Um, nope. You're going back to Guam with me whether you like it or not." And I can understand why he might. He just wants to keep the family together as long as possible. It's bad enough that my brother is going to to college next year, I don't know how well my dad would handle both my mom and I not being with him thousands of miles away on an island.
I need to figure it out soon though. We'll have to have our stuff shipped here, and get enrolled in school, find a place to live, get jobs..... I guess I'll wait and see....
I'll keep you all updated.
God bless.
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